2010-10-14
Explanation
This comic presents a grid-style chart titled "Communicating with Academics: A Guide" with three columns (Theologian, Scientist, Philosopher) and three rows (How to Make Angry, How to Make Happy, How to Stupefy), creating nine scenarios that satirize the stereotypical sensitivities and obsessions of each academic discipline.
To make a theologian angry, you say: "Could God make a degree so useless, even He couldn't get a real job?" This is a twist on the classic omnipotence paradox ("Could God make a rock so heavy He couldn't lift it?") reframed to mock the poor job prospects of theology graduates. To anger a scientist, you note: "Isn't it funny how even if you win a Nobel, you'll never be as famous as a 14 year old pop star?" This targets the frustration scientists feel about public recognition. To anger a philosopher, you ask: "How is Ayn Rand always right about everything?" -- since most academic philosophers consider Rand's work to be philosophically unserious.
To make each one happy: tell the theologian their agreement with standard dogma spoke to you; tell the scientist they've "pierced the veil of nature" (though the university will only pay an extra 12 dollars per month); tell the philosopher their "slight elaboration on a single paragraph of Wittgenstein" was revolutionary. To stupefy each: ask the theologian which dead husband you sleep with in heaven; overwhelm the scientist by asking for quantum chromodynamics then saying "stop with the math"; or simply ask the philosopher "So... what exactly do you do?"
The votey panel adds a fourth row, "How to Give a Heart Attack," with equally targeted jabs: tell the theologian someone proved God's existence ("hope it's the one you believe in"), tell the scientist they forgot a minus sign 12 years ago and everything since has been wrong, and tell the philosopher that "Atlas Shrugged is like Nietzsche minus boring."