2014-06-29
Explanation
The Joke
The comic presents a cut-out paper craft for "Make Your Own Unsexy Dice" -- a pair of dice designed to kill the mood instead of enhance it, parodying novelty "sexy dice" products.
Die 1: Reasons (excuses to avoid sex)
- "Headache that mysteriously won't be helped by sex-mediated endorphins"
- "Exhausted from sex last August"
- "Sex is just one more pointless dance before the existential chaos engulfs us all"
- "Grew out of sex during teen years"
- "Not really into endorsed genitalia"
- "Dead inside, but not in the way that leads to an urgent desire for the fleeting warmth of lovemaking"
Die 2: Behaviors (actions to avoid sex)
- "Pretend to be asleep"
- "Quash partner's libido by bringing up partner's most emotional failures"
- "Eat four pizzas, scaring away sex like a pufferfish scares away predators"
- "Vibrate whole body, making it impossible to focus on sexy parts"
- "Escape by leap through nearest window"
- "Have sex"
The Humor
The comic takes the concept of novelty "sexy dice" (where couples roll dice to determine romantic activities) and inverts it entirely. Instead of adding spontaneity to a love life, these dice provide an elaborate randomized system for avoiding intimacy. The reasons die features increasingly absurd and darkly funny excuses, from the classic headache to existential nihilism. The behaviors die escalates from plausible avoidance tactics (pretending to sleep) to physical impossibilities (vibrating your whole body, leaping through a window like a pufferfish defense mechanism). The single "have sex" face on the behavior die means there is only a 1-in-36 chance of the dice actually leading to intimacy, making the product maximally unsexy as promised.