almost-one
Explanation
This comic explores a philosophical argument about value and quality taken to an absurd extreme. Two characters stand on a cliff looking at a rock. One says, "Look at this rock. Is it a dog?" The other says no. The first responds that judging is not a good idea, because while the rock isn't a good dog, it has some dog-like qualities -- it can be found outside and you can enjoy holding it.
The argument escalates: "Now see, every object is a crappy version of every other object. The rock is a crappy dog. Time itself is a crappy cheese-like substance. The air we breathe is a crappy version of a gerbil."
The character concludes that everything is "an absolutely garbage version of all other things combined" and that "we only were just terrible at it." When the other person says they're not ready to become "a crappy version of a gerbil," the first replies: "Ah, but you see, you are already a crappy version of one."
The comic parodies a certain style of philosophical reasoning where, by loosening definitions enough, you can argue that anything is a version of anything else. It satirizes the kind of specious logic that sounds superficially profound but is actually nonsensical -- a common target in SMBC's humor about philosophy and academia.