an-empirical-christmas
Explanation
The Joke
A researcher explains that she is conducting an experiment to determine whether "joy comes from receiving a present, or it's the thought that counts." The experimental design involves giving children gifts where one is a new video game and the other is a "placebo gift." The children's pupil dilation and heart rate will be monitored at regular intervals. She then notes that the study is "designed to cut the cost of Christmas in half." The final panel reveals the outcome: "50% attrition among test subjects" — meaning half the children dropped out.
The Humor
The comic satirizes the tension between scientific rigor and human experience. The researcher applies the cold methodology of a clinical trial (including placebo controls and biometric monitoring) to the deeply personal and emotional experience of receiving Christmas gifts. The phrase "it's the thought that counts" — a warm platitude used when someone gives a lackluster present — is treated as a testable scientific hypothesis. The ulterior motive of cutting Christmas costs in half adds a layer of cynical humor. The punchline about 50% attrition among test subjects suggests that the children who received the placebo gifts were so unhappy they dropped out of the study, humorously confirming that the thought does not, in fact, count — kids want real presents.