Criteria
Explanation
This comic satirizes how people disguise subjective personal preferences as objective criteria in relationships.
A man approaches a woman (Sally) saying "we need to talk." She immediately panics: "Oh GOD, are you breaking up with me?" He reassures her that it's not that -- he's been protecting people by creating a rubric for evaluating relationships. This rubric involves rating various aspects like kissing, conversation, and other qualities, then computing a "composite value" to determine if a relationship should continue.
Sally, skeptical, asks to see his documentation. When she examines it, she points out the real joke: "All of your 'objective criteria' are just your opinion on what's important to evaluate." The man has essentially taken his personal, subjective preferences, dressed them up in the language of data analysis and systematic evaluation, and presented them as if they were objective measurements.
In the final panel, Sally asks if by "objective" he really means "I'm doing an elaborate performance to give my arbitrary preferences the appearance of rigor" -- or words to that effect.
The comic pokes fun at a common intellectual tendency: the desire to make subjective judgments seem scientific and impartial by wrapping them in quantitative frameworks. It's particularly relevant to modern dating culture, where people sometimes create elaborate criteria lists or scoring systems for potential partners, mistaking the formality of the method for actual objectivity. The humor also touches on how people in STEM fields sometimes try to systematize inherently human, emotional experiences.