the-presidency
Explanation
The Joke
A newly elected president (referred to as "Madame President") is being briefed about her new role. The briefing escalates from mundane to increasingly absurd and sinister. First, she is told that the President of the United States consumes an average of 250 games of Candy Crush a day. Then she learns that people who become president start gaining weight at higher rates than anyone else. She is told the presidency is the carrier of the most powerful curse in the history of humanity.
The briefing continues: she is warned about the Titanic -- that nuclear weapons were developed in direct response to the Coolidge administration, and that the office was created in March of 1933 (confusing it with events of FDR's presidency). The briefer tells her she will have to interface with heads of state around the world who share the local populations' hatred, and that when they shake her hand, they will be responding to her "entire pathogen load." Finally, she must deliver one pint of blood every day to a hidden "darkness." When she asks "What if I just tripled the budget for medical research?" the answer is simply: "Be pragmatic."
The Humor
The comic satirizes the overwhelming and often thankless nature of the presidency by presenting a briefing that starts with plausible-sounding (if exaggerated) facts and gradually escalates into complete absurdity, including curses and blood sacrifices. The humor lies in the straight-faced delivery of increasingly outrageous "requirements" of the office, blending real criticisms of the presidency (the stress, the weight gain, the hostile foreign relations) with supernatural horror elements. The final exchange -- where the new president suggests a rational, beneficial policy (tripling medical research funding) and is told to "be pragmatic" -- is a pointed jab at how practical, evidence-based solutions are often dismissed in politics in favor of maintaining broken systems.
References
The comic was published on October 11, 2016, during the final weeks of the Clinton-Trump presidential race, making the "Madame President" framing likely a reference to the possibility of Hillary Clinton becoming the first female president. The reference to the Coolidge administration and the Titanic are deliberately anachronistic and confused, adding to the absurdist humor. Candy Crush is a popular mobile game often associated with time-wasting. The comic also alludes to the well-documented phenomenon of presidents aging rapidly while in office.